Alcohol & Marriage: How to Cope When Youre Married to an Alcoholic

Rehabilitation programs have traditionally been expensive, and involved putting aside a lot of time. But with the development of telemedicine, treatment is becoming easier to reach, and more effective. While permanent change generally isn’t quick, many people gradually see a big improvement in their relationship as one or both partners get their drinking under control. If one or both parents don’t seek help for their alcohol misuse, it could eventually lead to separation or divorce.

Attend Therapy Together

Top Dog has been the mainstay of the family and doing most of the parenting. Underdog needs to be encouraged to take on more responsibility, while Top Dog needs to let go of control and stop enabling the addict by being super responsible. The newly sober have their own demons and challenges just staying sober and clean. Taking on family and work responsibilities without the help of a drug can be daunting, depending upon the duration of the addiction. Moreover, if substance abuse started before the addict was an independent, self-sustaining adult, then new skills need to be learned.

The Person With the Substance Use Disorder

• That being said, there are things you can do to start rebuilding trust and communication with your spouse.
• It reinforced the notion that sobriety was only the first step.
• It is very easy to hold onto the ways addiction hurt your marriage, but doing so can inhibit the healing process.
• Addiction is the third most-cited reason for divorce in the United States.

If you become codependent on your spouse, it’s important to seek help from a therapist or counselor who can help you learn how to set boundaries and take care of yourself. Alcoholism destroys trust, intimacy and our ability to forgive. It leaves the collateral damage of resentment and the spouse’s defence mechanisms in its wake, and enough pain to last a lifetime. When I stopped drinking, I told Sheri I got sober for her. I thought she was selfish because she wasn’t instantly grateful and loving. I didn’t understand the devastating amount of damage my 25 years of heavy drinking had done to our marriage.

• At least I can’t find where this subset has ever been studied.
• There is also a greater understanding of a partner’s trigger situations, and couples know how to avoid them.
• There are things you’ll get miserably wrong and words you’ll want to take back.
• You likely neglected your relationship while you were using drugs or alcohol, so make active, intentional choices to prioritize your partner.
• It can also be challenging to deal with the negative impact addiction has on your relationship.
• Clearly, there are may ways excessive drinking can impact marriage.

How Cutting Back or Quitting Drinking Can Save a Marriage

Sobriety topples these roles, and the partners realize they don’t even know how to talk to each other. Blame games start with every partner feeling sorry for themselves, shame, and guilt. Depending on how long the habit has persisted, some patterns have already become entrenched. New or inverted roles have been formed due to one partner abandoning some functions and the other adopting those roles. The person with the substance abuse disorder has become dependent and unreliable while the other is the super fixer.

Focus on the Future

These codependent people take care of their partners that live with a condition. Substance use within unhappy relationships can also become a downward spiral that can be difficult to get out of. One (or both) partner’s substance use can become the source of arguments. At the same time, don’t give up hope—if both of you are truly committed to saving your marriage, building a new and healthy relationship is possible. Getting your marriage back on track after sobriety won’t be easy, but it can be done with hard work, patience, and communication.

What is codependency?

They have grown together, and together they have grown stronger. The marriage won’t look the same as it used to, back in the days of addiction, but that can be a good thing. Our holistic approach supports your physical, mental, and spiritual health through a range of evidence-based treatment modalities. Have you ever heard the quote “Don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm” by Penny Reid? This is a great way to use metaphor in order to describe the belief that you are responsible for your partner’s feelings, choices, actions, and in this case, recovery. This means you probably feel like you are always on fire.

• If a partner loses their job or makes less money because of a drinking problem, this affects the family finances, which puts additional strain on the relationship.
• He learned state statutes and regulations, and studied counseling practices from several angles.
• Being a codependent caretaker hid their inner emptiness.
• But note that repairing your marriage may be a challenge, especially while you’re continuing on your path to recovery.

The remedy did not end with sobriety; that's where it started. Next, he had to create a treatment divorce rates after sobriety plan consisting of therapy, medication, and fellowship to avoid relapse. At first, the idea that if left untreated, his substance use disorder could become a chronic condition was a lot to absorb.